I was born in the early seventies and I grew up in a bible believing Pentecostal family. My earliest of memories surround the church. Going to church and serving the church was like breathing. Natural, instinctual and needed to sustain life. I gave my life to Jesus Christ when I was nine, he is my first love. I witnessed and experienced many powerful movings of God's Spirit. I was divinely heals as a child on Easter Sunday.
In my early twenties I became frustrated and hurt by people. I knew first hand the power of God. However, I allowed my feelings to skew my perspective and I walked away. I left the church and I left God. Convinced I could do it on my own. It wasn't long that I began to miss the spiritual aspect of my life. Unwilling to return to Christianity I began to seek out other paths. Some stranger than others, all way to much work and grief. None of it satisfying or helpful.
My "new" life on my own terms wasn't going so well. Career success became career failure. My marriage was in shambles and ended in divorce. I got remarried and life kept happening. I was angry, depressed and unequipped to handle things. I floated in and out of churches mostly to make my mother happy, but I wasn't happy.
In 2009 I decided that I needed psychological help, so I began to see a therapist. A wonderful man who listened well but gave me very little insight into me. After months of my whining about this and that. How unfair life has been, dad abandon me, my first husband was abusive, blah, blah, blah. In my second to last session with him the conversation turned to my spiritual background. When I was done speaking he put his pen down and made the most profound statement. "The thing that matters most to you is what God thinks of you." A month later I broke up with my psychologist and began to pursue God. Turning my life over to him.
Since then life still happens. I've been through job loss, foreclosure on my house and other stuff. In 2012 my second husband decided he no longer wanted to be married to me. Devastated and abandoned I went through the worst case of depression in my life. The worst fear and anxiety. Yet I had hope and that hope created unexplainable joy in the darkest of days.
Yes life still happens, people still hurt me and I am still not equipped to handle things on my own. However, as I turn all things over to Jesus my faith grows deeper. My joy grows stronger and my hope becomes endless.
Whatever you are going through today I encourage you to place your trust in Jesus Christ. I want you to know that there is hope. If you already have a relationship with him go deeper. Read his word, pray and worship him more, even if you really don't feel like it today do it anyways. If you haven't made a commitment to Jesus yet I encourage you to consider him. Read the Gospel of John and ask him to reveal himself to you, he will. God loves you and he thinks you are amazing.
Blessings!
Charlotte
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